Apocalypse Update

Brothers and sisters, I think, to some extent, we can declare victory. Although we didn’t quite manage to defeat The Forces of Darkness, at least we have held them back. Admiral Butterfly’s idea to lay siege to The Dark Lord’s Armoury was an act of tactical genius that saved many noble Earth Keeper lives.

Thankfully, The Dark Lord was distracted for most of the day as he desperately chased around after that documentary maker, Lance Ambleton, attempting to get on the tele. As I had predicted, his vanity and hunger for publicity proved to be his Achilles Heel. His army was often left without the strong leadership that I bestowed upon The Earth Keepers. I have been informed that highlights from the Apocalypse will shortly be available to download in the form of a podcast from our website www.apocalypsewar.co.uk. Won’t that be nice?

So, congratulations my brave warriors, we certainly secured the safety of our beautiful planet for the time being. But we must remain ever vigilant. The Forces of Darkness are already planning Apocalypse II.

Best Wishes,

The Earth King

6 6 6

THE 6TH HOUR OF THE 6TH DAY OF THE 6TH MONTH HERALDS THE DAWNING OF THE APOCALYPSE!!! We will meet on the village green outside the Community Centre and the plan is to emanate from there to more epic, global proportions by tea time. Don’t be late.

Guest Post from Apocalypsewar.co.uk

Time is running out for you, my friend. The date and location of the preliminary battles of The Apocalypse shall be announced on Saturday. If you have not yet pledged allegiance to The Forces of Darkness or The Earth Keepers then the chances are you will be brutally murdered for being a rubbish fence-sitter. That means spending eternity in LIMBO! If you think your life is boring now, imagine that x infinity! Click the join button below the crest of your choice at www.apocalypsewar.co.uk. Thank you.

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apocalypsewar.co.uk

Friends of the Earth

My friends, the time is nearly upon us. The Apocalypse is near.
Reports have reached me that The Dark Lord has gathered an army of  unprecedented size. The Forces of Darkness are growing strong, very strong indeed and we are the only ones who stand between them and an Earth enslaved by their evil.
Therefore, I call upon you to recruit as many of your pure hearted companions as you can and together we can resist this evil. The Elf of the West has summoned many of his folk to come to our aid but I fear the numbers may not be enough. We must protect our sacred Earth.
An investigation led by Nature Boy has revealed that The Dark Lord’s assistant, Pusdrip, is actually to blame for global warming. If the Forces of Darkness win the Apocalypse War there will be no O-Zone left. Without it, many of our plants and allies in the world of nature could be vulnerable.
I ask you to join the Earth Keepers. We alone can rid this world of evil. Certainly, some of you may be tempted to join the Forces of Darkness, but I’ll leave you with this. The difference between us and them, as Sam once said to Frodo, is that ‘we have something worth fighting for’.
Also, we have a documentary crew filming us, so you could be on Tele! Exciting, eh!

Yours,
The Earth King
The Earth Keepers
‘Keepers of the Earth’